As a transman who resided in the lesbian world for a couple of years, I'm extremely happy the the butch/femme dynamic is still here. Having diversity in our community is our strength.
As am I, Taran. I’ve had a lot of pushback for championing it but nobody can convince me there’s anything wrong with this dynamic. Your support is much appreciated :) thanks for reading
I don't bother with being femme anymore, but back in the day when I was about the same age you are now, it was my religion. 😂 A number of romances from those days were with women who later transitioned. I don't know if I can agree that butches are disappearing, because gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. In my case, none of the women who are now transitioned to a male identity are in contact with me anymore, because they felt it necessary to cut ties with their pasts. However, to be honest, I don't miss the men they are now. I miss the butch women they used to be. I don't know them now or who they've become, although I respect their journey and their decision.
For me, the fun thing about butches was that they were women. Sure, they may talk all gruff and stomp around, but when you get down to the skin, it's another woman. ❤️ And I always respected them all the more for their having to travel a harder path than I do as a conventionally female presenting female, even though I don't bother with dresses and high heels and stuff like that anymore. My one link to my femme past is the color palette I use. Pink and lavender are my favorite colors 💞
Elaine, first and foremost, your username has me absolutely tickled 😅 and secondly, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Butch is such a fun brand of woman—one I enjoy immensely. I discovered that one of my exes transitioned a few years after we broke up, but the rest have stayed as they are. I find the confidence in stretching the binary and subverting social expectations so attractive. Probably even more so because I’m so femme.
And you are a woman after my own heart! I absolutely LOVE lavender (well, the colour. The scent gives me a headache haha)
My butch likes domestic chores far more than I do and I prefer to work and keep a busier career. Even though from the outside we have all the hallmarks of a butch-femme couple we bend the rules at home. She also has prettier and longer hair than me but that doesn’t stop anyone from calling her “sir” as frequently as they call me “ma’am.”
Thanks for a good review. It could be helpful to include some material on lesbian erasure in the age of trans ideology. Butch girls have been particularly targeted for medicalization...much to the dismay of femmes who wonder where all the butches have gone.
I look this, this also put the difference between a butch woman and a transgender man which are highly different. Let’s look at it this way a butch woman is a woman with masculine characteristics but does not feel in anyway that she’s a man. But a transgender man is someone born biologically female but feels like she’s male in the inside and has masculinity feelings more considered to be male like you said there’s a difference between feminine masculinity and male masculinity, And let’s be real patriarchal men don’t want to admit or accept that women are their equals. And let’s face the truth women are more opened minded than men are. ALMOST ALL LGBTQ HIT SONGS ARE MADE BY FEMALE SINGERS, TAYLOR SWIFT, KATY PERRY, AVA MAX, HALSYEY, TATU, THE VERINICAS, AND MAGGIE LINDEMANN. This is because women are more accepting and understanding than most men are. Men are more likely to be rejectful and judge mental and narrow minded even men who say they don’t believe in patriarchy still does not accept the LGBTQ COMMUNITY. So what they are saying is they only accept Cisgender heterosexual people which is still a part of patriarchy so they contradicts what they say. Thank you for this video and article Ms. Natalie. As lesbians and bisexual women for all LGBTQ love and support each other and support all women.
Thanks for this article. I’m a 43 year old femme and I’ve been out for 22 years. I partner with stone butches, although most of my partners, including my spouse, have transitioned. I adore butches and also support all my beloveds—platonic or romantic—in living fully as themselves.
I read your other article (linked in a comment above) and I’m grateful that the love and appreciation of butches is not framed in a way denies the reality and importance of trans existence. I read some comments that were very dismissive or outright transphobic and was concerned. Thank you for supporting those in our community who feel good about transition and also those who feel good about not transitioning. Making spaces where it is safe to explore all of the options without judgement or agenda (because there are so many judgments and agendas from all sides!) is critical and I hope as a community we can continue creating and holding those spaces.
Very interesting and important conversation! I saw a similar discussion about the over representation of femme-for-femme lesbian couples in mainstream media (excluding butch lesbians). Bit confused by your wording of “female” vs “male” masculinity. Is this denoting a difference in actual gender identity or “sex assigned at birth”? Is it really a “male”’s gender presentation (masculinity) that equals “aggression and brawn”, or is it the way they wield the privilege that presentation gives them?
As a transman who resided in the lesbian world for a couple of years, I'm extremely happy the the butch/femme dynamic is still here. Having diversity in our community is our strength.
As am I, Taran. I’ve had a lot of pushback for championing it but nobody can convince me there’s anything wrong with this dynamic. Your support is much appreciated :) thanks for reading
I don't bother with being femme anymore, but back in the day when I was about the same age you are now, it was my religion. 😂 A number of romances from those days were with women who later transitioned. I don't know if I can agree that butches are disappearing, because gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. In my case, none of the women who are now transitioned to a male identity are in contact with me anymore, because they felt it necessary to cut ties with their pasts. However, to be honest, I don't miss the men they are now. I miss the butch women they used to be. I don't know them now or who they've become, although I respect their journey and their decision.
For me, the fun thing about butches was that they were women. Sure, they may talk all gruff and stomp around, but when you get down to the skin, it's another woman. ❤️ And I always respected them all the more for their having to travel a harder path than I do as a conventionally female presenting female, even though I don't bother with dresses and high heels and stuff like that anymore. My one link to my femme past is the color palette I use. Pink and lavender are my favorite colors 💞
Elaine, first and foremost, your username has me absolutely tickled 😅 and secondly, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Butch is such a fun brand of woman—one I enjoy immensely. I discovered that one of my exes transitioned a few years after we broke up, but the rest have stayed as they are. I find the confidence in stretching the binary and subverting social expectations so attractive. Probably even more so because I’m so femme.
And you are a woman after my own heart! I absolutely LOVE lavender (well, the colour. The scent gives me a headache haha)
Thanks so much for reading :)
Excellent read.
Thank you so much! :)
My butch likes domestic chores far more than I do and I prefer to work and keep a busier career. Even though from the outside we have all the hallmarks of a butch-femme couple we bend the rules at home. She also has prettier and longer hair than me but that doesn’t stop anyone from calling her “sir” as frequently as they call me “ma’am.”
Thanks for a good review. It could be helpful to include some material on lesbian erasure in the age of trans ideology. Butch girls have been particularly targeted for medicalization...much to the dismay of femmes who wonder where all the butches have gone.
My pleasure, Ovah. Thank you for reading :)
I actually touch on butch erasure in my other article, which you’re welcome to read here if you’re interested: https://open.substack.com/pub/queeryourthoughts/p/butch-please-female-masculinity-and?r=2jpuzl&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
but yes I’ve noticed a massive uptick in butches transitioning, especially recently.
I have known several 'butches' who became trans, almost like becoming butch was a stage to transitioning. Including one of my exes.
There's a lot of pressure on women who violate sex stereotypes. Sometimes it even comes from girlfriends.
one of mine, too!
Good read!
Good to see you back, Nat! Not worried or anything, just glad you're doing better. 💚
Good read!
I look this, this also put the difference between a butch woman and a transgender man which are highly different. Let’s look at it this way a butch woman is a woman with masculine characteristics but does not feel in anyway that she’s a man. But a transgender man is someone born biologically female but feels like she’s male in the inside and has masculinity feelings more considered to be male like you said there’s a difference between feminine masculinity and male masculinity, And let’s be real patriarchal men don’t want to admit or accept that women are their equals. And let’s face the truth women are more opened minded than men are. ALMOST ALL LGBTQ HIT SONGS ARE MADE BY FEMALE SINGERS, TAYLOR SWIFT, KATY PERRY, AVA MAX, HALSYEY, TATU, THE VERINICAS, AND MAGGIE LINDEMANN. This is because women are more accepting and understanding than most men are. Men are more likely to be rejectful and judge mental and narrow minded even men who say they don’t believe in patriarchy still does not accept the LGBTQ COMMUNITY. So what they are saying is they only accept Cisgender heterosexual people which is still a part of patriarchy so they contradicts what they say. Thank you for this video and article Ms. Natalie. As lesbians and bisexual women for all LGBTQ love and support each other and support all women.
Thanks for this article. I’m a 43 year old femme and I’ve been out for 22 years. I partner with stone butches, although most of my partners, including my spouse, have transitioned. I adore butches and also support all my beloveds—platonic or romantic—in living fully as themselves.
I read your other article (linked in a comment above) and I’m grateful that the love and appreciation of butches is not framed in a way denies the reality and importance of trans existence. I read some comments that were very dismissive or outright transphobic and was concerned. Thank you for supporting those in our community who feel good about transition and also those who feel good about not transitioning. Making spaces where it is safe to explore all of the options without judgement or agenda (because there are so many judgments and agendas from all sides!) is critical and I hope as a community we can continue creating and holding those spaces.
Why not just share a bathroom with a man who says he is a woman? What intersectional neoliberals have done to feminism.
Very interesting and important conversation! I saw a similar discussion about the over representation of femme-for-femme lesbian couples in mainstream media (excluding butch lesbians). Bit confused by your wording of “female” vs “male” masculinity. Is this denoting a difference in actual gender identity or “sex assigned at birth”? Is it really a “male”’s gender presentation (masculinity) that equals “aggression and brawn”, or is it the way they wield the privilege that presentation gives them?
LOVE the explanation and difference. Female masculinity has a much more warm embrace, in my humble opinion.
Respectfully this makes butch women the heteros
Thank you for reading this, and thank you to Phoenix for the assist!
I appreciate your perspective, and I love my Barbers!
Perfect.🙂